Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
