Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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