i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
