about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i drank out of a bidet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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