literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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