He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
