What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize