i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Please don't give away my fajitas
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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