Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
