How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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