If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize