Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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