Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
