i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
