ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need to calm my uterus...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
