how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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