Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
