sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
