I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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