I didn't shave. On purpose
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
