I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
