There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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