i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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