I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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