I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
