I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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