wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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