Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
