i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
