I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
