Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
time to smoke my breakfast
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
