peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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