Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
