im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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