finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
