I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
