just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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