you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize