You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
