I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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