Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
