The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
