When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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