Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
