I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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