people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
