she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
