I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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