:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
