either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
