I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
