i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
