so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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