pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
