Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
