I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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