Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
