my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
