Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
