What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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