I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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