Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
