worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
