Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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