She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
