Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
