Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize