Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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