Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
