this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He better not be in your backpack
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
