Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
